I’m a West Coast girl. Most of my wedding experiences are wearing a “Sunday best” outfit and a pair of heels for a 6-hour event. Heck, I was born in Alaska, where wearing a pair of Xtra Tuffs (iconic Alaska rubber boots) under a wedding dress isn’t unheard of.
Contrast that to meeting my East Coast then-boyfriend, now husband, where black-tie formal is normal. I knew I had to up my wedding guest attire. But black-tie formal is tame compared to a full 3-day wedding experience that is a true, authentic Indian wedding, which naturally is his family’s fantastic cultural heritage.
When his sister announced her engagement, I knew I’d finally have a chance to experience one of these epic Indian weddings that white people always want to get invited to. And if you’re white and clueless like me, admit it — you’ve seen them and have always wanted to be invited!
While on a layover, we briefly had the chance to meet his family in New York City and stop into dress shops in Queens. The experience was enlightening, hysterical, and dare I say chaotic — certainly one of those “first time for everything” moments you never forget.
My Lehenga!
“I don’t think it fiiiiitsss.” I tried to tell the dress saleslady as she shoved me out of the dressing room before I was ready, presenting me in front of his mom and sister.
She was desperately trying to convince us that my 34DD boobs fit into the A-cup dress; I was nearly busting out of the seams with laughter at the thought of showing up to my future sister-in-law’s wedding with a top four sizes too small, underboob on full display.
Safe to say, that first dress shopping experience was a bust (no pun intended), but I did learn the difference between a Sari and a Lehenga. I also confirmed the underboob/stripper look was not a good look for her wedding. And, finally, I couldn’t do this on my own and absolutely needed his mom and sister’s help!
So I made the trip back to New Jersey for a 48-hour whirlwind shopping trip.
Here are 4 things I learned as a clueless white girl shopping for an Indian dress.
The Don’ts
- Don’t take photos. The dresses in these shops are handmade, one of a kind. It’s tempting, but you’ll get yelled at if you’re caught — so be discreet with your phone in the dressing room unless you enjoy getting called out mid-store with a loud “No photos!!”
- Be thoughtful about red. Etiquette-wise, red is traditionally the bride’s color, especially for the main ceremony — so it’s generally polite to steer clear of anything that reads as bridal red. That said, this isn’t universal: it depends heavily on the region, the specific event, and the family’s own customs. I actually wore a red sari myself without any issue — so when in doubt, just ask someone who knows the family.
- Don’t knock it ’til you try it. I ended up loving a dress and color I never would’ve picked off the rack — trying things on genuinely changed what I thought looked good on me.
The Do’s
- Do bring a big suitcase if you’re traveling. These dresses are H-E-A-V-Y. If you’re packing one home, bring something oversized — with all the embellishments, they can weigh several pounds each.
- Do check Facebook Marketplace. If you’re skipping the store route, secondhand options exist there too. Amazon has some as well, but the downside is risking showing up in the same dress as a stranger at a wedding with several hundred guests.
- Do find yourself an Indian Auntie. Whether it’s your partner’s mom, a friend’s mom, or literally any woman willing to adopt you for an afternoon — lean on her. She’s what we refer to as an “Auntie” in indian culture. In my experience, they’re always happy to help and genuinely love sharing their culture, and having someone in your corner who actually knows the customs (versus a random blog written by, well, me) makes the whole process infinitely less stressful.
- Do choose wisely. All sales are final, no take-backs.
- Do get your jewelry on Amazon. Way cheaper. Here’s the set I bought.
- Do get a sticky bra – One thing I really wish someone had told me back then: a traditional bra does not work under these blouses. They are typically low cut in the back and wide cut in the shoulders, which means inevitably your bra straps will show (as you can see the photo above). Most come with built-in padding but zero actual lift, so if you’re someone who needs it, grab a sticky/adhesive bra like this one to wear underneath — they’re not expensive, and they make a real difference in how the blouse actually sits and looks.
- Do invest in one really good pair of versatile Indian flats you can rewear to every event. Like these, which are comfortable but fit in with any style
For the record: I did not end up looking like I was smuggling my chest out of a size-too-small dress. Small wins.
Update: Four Years and Several Indian Weddings Later (2026)
This post was originally published in 2022, and since then, I’ve been to several more Indian weddings — enough to say the learning curve does get easier, and styles have shifted some too. A huge shoutout to my mother-in-law, who has helped dress me for every single one and, without fail, always has a spare outfit on hand.
If there’s one bigger-picture update to add: just go and have fun. You will get something wrong. That’s fine. Nobody expects a non-Indian guest to have this all figured out, and the people who love you will help you figure it out as you go.
Let me know what you think in the comments!
*Disclaimer: all of this is based on my own experience with my husband’s family and their specific traditions — customs vary by region and family, so take this as a starting point, not gospel.
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